Last year, I experienced quarter-life crisis and it was the hardest journey

of my existence. I thought I will not be able to overcome my fears and uncertainties. I was unsure about my purpose, career, relationship, and self.

Scenario years ago: I have my own place, I am earning more money, I have a long-time relationship, I am living on my own..but there is something missing, something wrong, and something I can't figure out.

I didn't know if I'm still doing the "right things", if I'm doing okay as a 25-year-old woman. My thoughts were "What is missing? What is wrong about me? and What should I do?"

Feeling unsure is part of your path. Don't avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it. Don't worry, you will be okay.

“Minsan di mo alam kung saan ka pa ba lulugar sa mundong mapanghusga. Minsan di mo sigurado kung anong mali or tama sa buhay mo. Minsan di mo alam kung may kulang ba, sapat na o sobra ba.”

People were dictating me how to live my life and what things I should do. They told me at my age, I was not supposed to have a broken relationship, I should have my own home, I should financially support my family, I must travel more than 10 countries, I should stay at my work for 5-10 years, and etc.

So, I thought I was okay. I thought I can do everything. I thought I can manage my relationship well, provide financial support for my family, pay my bills on time, work happily, and live life to the fullest. I was pretending, pretending that I'm okay and contented. They said, "you have a great career", "you have a perfect relationship", "you have your own home so you should be proud", "you are blessed", and "your life is almost perfect."

They didn't know what I'm really feeling, they were not aware that my life was falling into pieces, they didn't know I was questioning myself before I sleep, they didn't know that for me, my life was a mess. Pressured to be the best 25-year-old me, pressured to be the perfect daughter, pressured to be the best employee and pressured to be the happiest.

Kaya sa sobrang tapang mo, akala mo kaya mo pagsabayin lahat kaya dumating ka sa point na di ka sigurado sa gusto mong gawin, kung saan ka pupunta at kung anong dapat maging buhay ng 25-year-old self mo.

Then, I lost almost everything. I didn't know how to find my old self again, and I was unsure If I can still move forward. I was looking for the "little things", I was hungry for growth and change, I was asking God to help me figure out things. I was crying every night and asking myself if I am happy, doing the things I love or hate, working for the right company, and etc.

My mind was whispering, "Just because they reached certain milestones before you did doesn't mean you won't get there, too."

"Instead of focusing on all that you have yet to accomplish, make a list of everything you've managed to get done in spite of difficulties."

What did I do to overcome quarter-life-crisis?

Find things that will light my soul on fire again, something that will make me smile after doing it, something that will excite me, and try something new.

1) Move-in to a new place.

This decision was hard for me, I didn't know how to let go of the place I call "home" , I didn't know how to accept that I'm leaving my place of over 3 years. I was afraid to be in a new environment. I was in my "comfort zone". I was figuring out how to get rid of my fear of sudden changes. I built memories there, "interior designed" my room, bought decorations for my living room and etc. I didn't ask my parents' help because I was afraid they will judge me, but they knew about it; they knew I was not okay. Then one day, my family told me to "wake up and stop being afraid of starting all over again."

So I saved money for months and asked my broker to help me find a cheaper condo, I asked my mom to help me pack my stuff, and I asked myself to be strong and trust the process. Literally, new life. I moved out from my old place to forget the bad memories from my previous relationship. I had to change my perspective in life and goals. I had to believe in myself again. I had to trust God's plans for me. I started resolving my ''self-fulfillment" issues. I felt things are starting to fall into place.

"Don't be afraid to start over, it's a brand new opportunity to rebuild what you truly want."

Lesson learned: You have to accept that some things are not really for you, you have to stop living from the past and start believing on what might happen in the future. Things are not permanent, you will lose and you will gain something back. You have to let go toxic relationships and believe that you deserve better. You have to love yourself more. You have to surround yourself with positive and people who will lift you up.

"We accept the love we think we deserve." - Perks of being a wallflower.

2) Travel solo.

I went to Malaysia and Singapore, it was my first time to travel alone. The feeling was overwhelming and strange, walking on my own, and going to places I have never been.

I explored the city of Kuala Lumpur for one whole day and decided to go to Singapore. Honestly, I didn't know how to get there hahaha but thankful for having google. I traveled for over 5 hours (Mode of transpo: Bus), foreigners were asking me directions and they thought I was from Singapore. It was a new experience and memorable days of my life hahaha. I told myself that I have to enjoy the moments and enjoy traveling solo. Then, I decided to meet my parents (they were on honey moon escapade haha) and tour them around the city even though I was not familiar with the routes and places. I felt that my parents will always love me no matter what happened. We enjoyed riding the MRT, eating food, and exploring new places. They helped me to be stronger, they taught me to be independent and trust my guts. I told my parents that I'll be staying in Singapore for another 2 days and explore more places on my own. I wanted to be happy and just stop thinking about my issues and problems.

So, I went to Chinese Garden and waited for the sunset. Silence, clearing my mind, collecting thoughts and memories, feeling the unusual process...one of the best trips ever.

"Sometimes, you just need a break. In a beautiful place. Alone. Figuring everything out."

Lesson learned: You have to trust yourself that you can do something different. You have to remember that your family will never leave you, they will always support you through ups and downs. You have to try something new and learn from the experience. You need to take a break, travel and relax.

3) Always pray, pray and pray.

God's plan will always be greater and He will never let us down. Throughout the process of dealing with my quarter-life issues, I spent hours talking to God and asking Him to guide me. God helped me to be spiritually stable. I did not let depression and sadness kill my dreams and goals.

I let go, then I let God.

I let Him embrace me every night while crying, I let Him talk to me every morning, I let Him remove my fears and doubts.

"But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me." - 2 Timothy 4:17

4) Find what makes your soul happier.

It's heavy and overwhelming when we are dealing with our soul because it is beyond what's within our heart and mind. I read a book and it says "feed your soul". How can we? How can we feed our soul? I think if we make ourselves happy and enjoy every little thing. One of my ways to make my soul happy was through my "passion". I have the talent and skills but passion will create greater things. I love dancing, reading books, writing poems, taking photographs and painting. Yes, painting! Painting is different.

"Allow your passion to be your purpose. Believe in yourself and never give up on your dreams."

Someone asked me “What is your greatest passion Cesca?”, I answered, “Creating something beautiful for the people” then I realized I did not give him a specific answer so I told him "No, my greatest passion is to PAINT. Why? every time I am putting colors on the canvas, it makes my eyes spark. I am empowered. I know every colors I am mixing and I know every stroke I am doing. Painting helped me to overcome life crisis. I found real happiness, fulfillment and satisfaction. It helped me find my purpose again. I started posting my works online, accepting orders from clients and painting customized works.

"The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking and don't settle." - Steve Jobs

I love painting that’s why I’m painting. Last year, I was able to launch #100names100paintings.

This project will feature 100 wonderful personalities and stories of different people all over the world. My goal is to share their amazing lives through painting. It shows that we may have differences (gender, race, origin, upbringing, belief), we still have to celebrate life. Love and value your stories, scars, journey, personalities and names. Life is an art.

"LEAVE A MARK ON THIS WORLD."

I DID IT!!

"Art speaks where words are unable to explain."

"If you are experiencing life crisis or depression, please pray and ask God to help you find yourself again. If you love writing blogs, blog. If you love dancing, dance. If you love baking cakes, bake. If you love traveling, travel. Follow your heart and do whatever you want to do."

Never stop believing, keep on dreaming. Never give up and don't lose hope. Everything will be okay in God's perfect timing. It's normal to experience quarter-life issues but we should not let it destroy our lives. We should be stronger than our fears and insecurities. Please, love yourself more.

This year, I want to be better than my 25-year-old self.

I want to be the best version of myself. I will not settle for less, I will overcome my fears and I will take risks.

"Yung mga problema, unti unti kong naayos. Yung trabaho na ayaw ko? pinalitan ko. Yung relasyon na sobrang toxic? ni let go ko. Yung mga negatibong tao sa paligid ko? iniwasan ko. Yung mga taong need kong i-let go, na let go ko."

Thank you 25-year-old cesca for overcoming quarter-life challenges. You are strong, fearless, and faithful. Thank you God, family and to everyone who have helped me to be #happyCesca again 📷😂📷🤣

Thank you and regards,

Cesca

"Life is an ART."

OVERCOME QUARTER-LIFE CRISIS NO MATTER WHAT!